


I (the lack of self)

by Marenke



Series: the quaren-fics [28]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Gen, still in my seelings (sebastian feelings)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:29:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24581587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marenke/pseuds/Marenke
Summary: He doesn’t have a name.
Series: the quaren-fics [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896019
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	I (the lack of self)

**Author's Note:**

> participating on a challenge and the prompt was a lipogram: a story without one letter. title is a hint baby!

He doesn’t have a name: the one he stole from the Verlac boy belonged to [what does a name have, beyond what father expected, beyond the challenges that were thrown at the boy, barely more than a babe when they begun?], and the one he had been awarded when he was born belonged to another boy, one who wore the name better than he ever would. 

_ Jace _ , too: two syllables of a name that would never belong to [the boy, put to test even on the womb, demon blood on the tongue of a woman who would be a mother to the boy, on another plane]. Even the clean and easy  _ Jonathan  _ wasn’t for the lab rat that he was:  _ Jonathan  _ was a concept, a fraught defeat - the green eyes on a face that was the boy’s, but wasn’t the boy’s face. 

The face he saw when he glanced at the coffee shop's glass case was as gnarled as he felt deep down. He wondered, what would Clary do, had the boy conceded the defeat she desperately wanted? Would he be Jonathan, at last?

The word’s of the father came down, heavy as rocks on the boy:  _ no one loves you. No one can forget the monster you are. Cease your tomfoolery. _

So the boy, nameless and dejected, does.


End file.
